Memoir Article 4 -- Polishing Your Lifestories

An Interview with Denis Ledoux

Writing the story of your Life--what? why? how?

a bio of Denis Ledoux--author, educator, Soleil Lifestory Network director

Q: What are lifestories?

A: Lifestories are personal and family stories. They're the
stories we tell ourselves we'll write someday and suspect we won't.
Lifestories are about people and events that shaped us.

Q: How did you get involved in writing lifestories?

A: My own fiction is based on autobiography. My stories have won literary awards, but I feel more satisfaction from readers who are stimulated to tell their own stories after reading my work. This happened in 1988 when my collection of short fiction, What Became of Them, came out.

After I had read for a group of senior citizens, I was overwhelmed by their eagerness to share their stories with me and each other. That's how I began working with older people. I developed the Turning Memories Into Memoirs^® writing workshops that led to the book.

In the workshops I teach basic writing skills and, just as importantly, create an atmosphere that supports self-exploration and group sharing.

Q: Why should people write their lifestories--what's in it for them?

A: First of all, telling a story is a pleasure-- it's a natural way to communicate. (Just listen for the storytellers next time you're at a party or gathering.)

There is also a human compulsion to record the past, to preserve what's changing and to celebrate accomplishment.

Finally, many of us feel a need to find the meaning in life. Writing is a vehicle for exploring the what and the why of life and making sense of it. Lifewriting can be very growthful. Some begin knowing this, others discover it in the process.

Q: Who reads your book, Turning Memories Into Memoirs? Who writes their lifestories?

A: You don't have to be famous or exotic! Lifewriting is for anyone who wants or needs to write. Every generation seems to have a storyteller who sees and remembers, the keeper of the family history. Lucky the family whose storyteller writes it down!

Many lifewriters are seniors. Because much of their childhood culture is gone, they know that if they don't tell their stories, that way of life will be lost.

Adolescents, on the other hand, focus so intensely on now that lifewriting can be a magic for them: writing validates their experience and is a powerful tool for self-discovery.

I find that people in mid-life also turn to lifewriting. It's an effective way to take stock and reassess goals, something we tend toward in middle age.

Q: What's the first thing a lifewriter should do to get started?

A: Make a lifelist: a list of all the relationships and events in your life. It might have hundreds of items: births, deaths, illnesses, friends, failures, successes, anything and everything-- so take your time. You'll refer back to this list many times.

Step two is to choose the ten most important items on your list-- items without which your life could not have been the same. Set the realistic goal of writing three-to-five-page stories around each core item. Later on, short pieces can be expanded. Your manuscript will add up page by page, story by story. Don't worry about chronological order yet. Start anywhere that interests you.

If you have difficult memories, give yourself permission to take it slowly. Writing happy memories first may give you the confidence to tackle the painful ones.

Q: Is already being a good writer important?

A: Yes and no. Of course, effective writing is important. For one thing, we derive more pleasure from doing things well than from being held back by lack of skill. Writing is communication, so clarity counts. But you're not born with that skill; it can be acquired-- at any age.

Many new writers, whatever their age, are intimidated at first by their lack of skill. The cure for that is simple: write frequently and a lot. Truly, practice makes perfect. And don't worry about whether it's "good enough". Stifle that censor who sits on your shoulder judging every move you make. No one else expects you to win a Pulitzer with your first draft!

Re-writing is a key step later on. That's when you fix the grammar.

Q: Do you have any suggestions for jogging your memory?

A: Turning Memories Into Memoirs includes a whole chapter on this subject. It's surprising to many people that they can remember things that have been forgotten for years. Here are a few activities that really work.

Analyse your family photos, historical photos, paintings of the time.
Refer to journals, letters, yearbooks, newspapers.
Make lists about yourself and family members: favorite foods, sayings, pastimes, songs, etc. (be serious or frivolous).
Talk about the past with people who were there.
Write time capsule descriptions of yourself or others.
Read a book or see a film set in the same era.

Q: What about painful memories?

A: Painful memories do surface in lifewriting; writing about an experience may relieve that pain. I suggest you approach your pain by writing around it. Like peeling an onion, eventually you'll arrive at the center of your grief-- and you'll often find insight and acceptance, too. The process is difficult, but it can be healing.

It's also perfectly okay to decide not to write about difficult experiences-- at least for a time. In the workshops, I have repeatedly seen participants discover that it takes more energy to avoid a memory than to write about it.

Q: What role do research and interviewing play in lifewriting?

A: Memory can be self-serving or misleading. Doing research and interviews will either corroborate or correct your memory.

Drawing on other sources also widens your perspective and gives your stories authentic detail. Researching a period may uncover clues to the puzzles of your past: you can learn a lot by relating family history to world events you were unaware of at the time.

Q: What's the final product look like when you undertake to write your lifestory?

A: Packaging your stories like a "real" book is a satisfying reward for your hard work. Quick printers can do hardcover or comb-bound single copies at low cost. When you include photographs, maps, photocopies of documents, newspaper articles, etc., your lifestory becomes an heirloom for your children and a very special gift to your local historical society or library.

But I caution writers not to be in a hurry to see that final product. After all that work, what a disappointment it would be to see, too late, what you left out, or could do differently. I always advise lingering with the work, putting it away for a while and then re-reading it as a reader, not a writer.

A few lifewriters I've worked with have had truly unique stories and sought professional publication. Some have worked with me privately to edit their manuscripts before taking that step, or to polish their collection before sharing it with family.

Q: How can lifewriters-to-be get hold of Turning Memories Into Memoirs or contact you for workshop information or editing?

A: Turning Memories Into Memoirs can be ordered through any bookstore or directly from Soleil Press, Lisbon Falls, Maine 04252. You can write to me there or call 207-353-5454. For credit card orders call 1-888-80-STORY. I love to hear from lifewriters!

Q: What's your advice for people who think they might like to write their lifestories?

A: Don't think about it; don't talk about it; do it. Sit right down and start writing today. You'll really be glad you did.