RESOURCES FOR JOURNALISTS -- MEMOIRS -- ARTICLE THREE
www.turningmemories.com/beyondnames.html

More than Names and Dates:
Six Easy Steps for Writing A Legacy

by Denis Ledoux

Imagine having a copy of your great-grandmother's journal to tell you about her daily life on the farm in 1880. Or a first-hand account by your grandfather of the long journey from the old country.

Now listen to your grandchildren, years from now, saying, "If only my grandfather/grandmother had written down a few stories for us. We'd know more about them!"

It doesn't have to be that way for the future. You can succeed at writing your personal and family stories. Don't put off the task. It's not as hard as you think.

Instead of the uncertain understanding of who their ancestors were, your children and their children can read well-written, interesting stories that share insights and details of who you (and your spouse) have been and are. They can know the answers to questions like: "What was life like when you were a child? How did you make the difficult decision to move or marry? How did you become the person you are today?"

I have been helping ordinary people to write their autobiographies since 1988. I've always urged people not only to regard their own lifestories as worth recording but as a task they can do themselves.

The keys are organization and approach. The right start can keep you motivated and confident, and a few easy-to-follow guidelines can transform a rambling tale into an impactful story.

An especially useful first step--emotionally--is to rid yourself of the misconception that only famous or notorious people have stories worth telling. You may well be an "ordinary" person whose life decisions quietly add up to a hero's tale. I remember one lifewriter who raised her five children alone after her husband's premature death. Every one of them eventually graduated from college. She kept saying, 'what else could I do? Of course I helped them out!' The other workshop participants wouldn't let her discount her significant achievement. Writing her stories gave this high school drop-out the chance to acknowledge her life's success, and the tales of humor and hardship and love she wrote down became a great affirmation for her whole family.

Elders hold treasure troves of experience and insight in their memories.

Celebrating and honoring your life by remembering and writing both big and small stories is very rewarding. It's a significant way to understand your life and to come to peace with it. Your memoirs are a legacy your family will treasure for generations--don't you wish your grandparents had written their memoirs?

Follow these simple writing suggestions and you'll find the task of preserving your stories is well underway.
1. First, make a MemoryList--a list of all your life's important events and relationships. Your MemoryList can have hundreds of items. When you sit down to write a story, you'll have this list of topics handy. The MemoryList helps you to focus on things that deserve the most attention. It also primes the pump of memory: the more you write, the more you'll remember. Your list will grow as you write! At first just jot things down. As the list gets longer, organize it chronologically. With your Memory List handy to write from, you will never again suffer from "writer's block!"

2. Start anywhere you feel like starting. Choose your most important or interesting MemoryList item. Write anything you want to about it. Resist the urge to write "from the beginning." Instead, write whatever you want and put it into chronological order later.

The most important step in lifewriting is to start writing. Concentrate on one story at a time, not on your life as a whole. Remember: inch by inch, it's a cinch! Yard by yard, it's hard!

3. Use all the props you can: letters, diaries, obituaries, photos, newspaper articles, etc. You might just not be as much of an expert on your own lifestory as you thing--memory can be tricky!--so interview people who were there to crosscheck your facts and dates.

Research your locale, your region, the era, history, etc., to give authenticity and context to the personal story you tell. Add a lot of general ingredients to season your personal stories! (For instance, "In those days, most Swedish immigrants did... My great grandfather must have done the same thing, too.")

4. Tell the truth. You and your roots are okay no matter what. You don't need to prove your worth, improve on the true story, or be afraid to reveal your past. Lifewriting is an exploration, a celebration, not an occasion to get even with people, or to alter things. At the same time, you also have a right to your privacy. It may be growthful to tell the truth about a certain event, but it's perfectly okay to be selective about what stories--if any--you share with others. Your stories may be written but they don't all need not be made public! You can write just for yourself some or all of the time.

5. Always be specific. Use proper names, give dates, describe in detail. You can't give too many details! Don't use vague or general adjectives or adverbs. (What does "nice" mean?) Use all five of your senses to help the reader see, smell, touch, hear, and even taste the moment as it was lived. Remember: Show, don't tell. Present your story with specific action, dialog, and setting.

6. Set a schedule for yourself. Honor your writing time as you would any important appointment. (Ask your family to support this commitment, if necessary.) Writing regularly is more important than writing for long periods at one sitting. Marathon sessions with long spells between won't help you to establish the habits or gain the satisfactions of writing the way frequent, shorter sessions will. Create the props you need to support your new creative project: a writing desk, a cup of coffee, photo albums close by, quiet time, a writing buddy who is also writing lifestories. Above all, be patient and enjoy yourself. Writing your stories is a valuable activity to invest in, a wonderful way to celebrate your life.
The idea of remembering, reviewing and recording definitive versions of our family histories and our own lifestories, like many tasks we undertake in life, can be overwhelming. Reflect on parenting as an example.

Parenting is a creative project that would have daunted a lot of us if it had to be done all at once. Think of all those dirty diapers and sleepless nights, teacher conferences, recitals, ball games, dental appointments, and insurance payments--if they came all together, who could approach parenting at all let alone with eager delight? Thankfully, as parents, we only had to meet each day's challenges as they come.

Approach lifewriting in the same way: write each memory or family story, each character or event one step at a time.

You'll find the rewards are there waiting for you and your family--understanding and appreciation of who you are and where you've come from, affirmation and celebration of what you've achieved and where you're headed--rewards that take you far beyond the names and dates.


copyright 2001 © Denis Ledoux -- reprint rights granted under certain conditions only.

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